And if they don’t respond, it’s like:
maybe he hates me and they’re all laughing at me now
oh god. what if I didn’t put it in the right locker?
what if tumblr ate it?
But it’s not like you can just go up to them in the cafeteria and be all, “did you get my note?”
What is this? Why am I thinking about this? I’m not engaged—I’m not even dating anyone. But dear sweet-and-sour Jesus do I love thinking about my wedding. I am domestic as fuck. I will make the happiest boywife you’ve ever seen.
Here are my ideas thus far (unlimited budget assumed, and yes, I know how problematic that is):
As much as I like the Frenemy’s writings, I can’t get behind the newest one— we are not necessarily in charge of our own happiness. To a certain extent we are. I am one of the most proactive people I know about taking charge of my life and happiness, and I’ve still had a really rough time of it. I still cry pretty frequently and feel pretty sad a lot.
It also reminds me of watching the movie Bridesmaids. I laughed at half the movie, rolled my eyes at the other half. The motivating speech that got the protagonist to get up off her ass was all about how you’re responsible for your own happiness, for success.
Nevermind that the protagonist’s business failed because of the recession, causing her to lose everything. No, her sadness, her unbearable sadness and anger, was her own doing.
This kind of message is about two steps removed from telling people to pull themselves up from the bootstraps. Of course we’re in charge of our happiness, but we’re often not in charge of the deep injustices we’re pitted against or the sadness inherent to our bodies or our situations.
I never want anyone to hate themselves for not being happy. Sometimes the hardest lessons we learn is that we’re NOT in charge, not in charge of anything, and happiness is often found while struggling through incredibly difficult pain and sadness.
Just sayin.
curse you address change and all the mail that randomly disappears because of it. i love reading my own news. apparently they even included the cute bit where i mentioned the other alum whose party i was attending when i met my fiancé. two years later and that alum just had a beautiful wedding :)
i was at this rockin party and i met this super sweet dude and talked endlessly about Lost and Californication with him and went to bed blushing that night after a hug goodbye. i told him he should watch 30 Rock, that he’d love it, and it’s now the show we watch together when we’re bored, the show we’ve seen every episode three times and quote often.
two years is nothing in the grand scheme of things, but it feels like forever and yesterday at the same time. i try not to get all mushy often, but september and october especially remind me of how grateful i am to have met m. and built a little life together with him. how september ‘09 was filled with these ridiculously long conversations over text, and that night where we did the whole “we should go on a date” thing involving silly confirmations of, “wait, does that mean you like me?” “like, like like me?” “me too!”
and october was crisp and cool, and “(Don’t Go Back To) Rockville” was playing on his old phone in his old car, neither of which are around anymore, that night when we got ice cream and went to a party in the mountains with floating lanterns and a bonfire, and how i never wanted to go home because in that moment, late night train taking its sweet ol’ time and giving us a momentary pause, home was redefined.
just finished my second week of new job. i cannot really talk about it, except to say it is awesome except for when i wear stupid shoes that give me blisters, and people on the street mistake me for someone who “goes to highschool” with their kid (really? in heels and business slacks?), and the heavens open up and rain for many days straight.
other than that, and piles of homework, life is crazy but good.
this weekend i will be going to a bead show with my mom to pick out beads for the beaded flowers she will be making for my bridal bouquet. i’m excited about my wedding being almost exactly a year away. i feel like i can start to plan. you know, on top of the million other things i have to do.
